I was running behind and needed a quick read. It was on the shelf and I had to read it to get rid of it. It was just about as awful as I thought it would be and probably even more awful than you would think. Okay, I will just get on with it then.
Aside from the Disney movie, which I don’t think I have even seen in its entirety, and that ancient television series where a pre-Hellboy, pre-Sons of Anarchy Ron Perlman looked like a live action muppet, I know very little of the beauty and the beast mythology. Of course, there is a beauty and a beast. The beauty falls in love with the beast despite his beastliness. The end.
Like all good remakes, plop that story into the cesspool of hormones and narcissism know as high school and voila! You have a pooper of a tale where teenagers become caricatures of themselves and behave exactly as every formulaic teen centered romantic comedy dictates. It reads more like a script than a novel.
Kyle is the good-looking popular asshole. A witch curses him. He is beastly and will remain beastly until he finds reciprocal love with someone willing to overlook said beastliness. In the movie trailers for the film based on this book, Kyle looked like a tattooed Jim Rose Circus guy, but here he is a full on Chewbacca. Luckily for Kyle, he has a super rich daddy who can afford to buy him a hideout in Brooklyn, a maid/cook, and a blind tutor.
Exiled in Brooklyn, he develops a love of roses and after blackmailing a drug addict who breaks into his greenhouse, he is hand delivered a teenage girl who just might be dumb enough to fall in love with him.
I’m sorry. I can’t believe that even the kids liked this one all that much. There is no one to root for. There is no chemistry between the two lovebirds. It’s just kind of embarrassing. I read it. I’m guilty. I’m moving on.